


It Just Had To Happen Sometime

by Byrdie



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Future Fic, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-24
Updated: 2004-06-24
Packaged: 2019-02-05 18:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12799545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byrdie/pseuds/Byrdie
Summary: Kirk makes Spock, Bone makes a discovery, and the Klingons make everybody's day.





	It Just Had To Happen Sometime

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Notes: Part of the Slash Advent Calendar Challenge situated at: http://www.kardasi.com/Advent  
Warnings: The milk and cookies are for Santa, not the tribbles. Feed them and I'll give *you* to the Klingons. Understood? 

 

 

********************************************* 

 

Christmas Eve. Anywhere on Earth -- and a few other planets as well -- the bright colored lights would be a symbol of rejoicing. On the U.S.S. Enterprise the display meant nothing but trouble. And since most of the lights were flashing red it was quite obviously *big* trouble. And in this particular sector of space, the source of it could only be ... 

 

"Klingons." James T. Kirk swore a very crude oath usually heard only in the lowest brothels on Rigel 12. Now? They had to attack *now*? Bloody bastards had no consideration, didn't even know the meaning of the word. Otherwise they'd have waited till he was done fucking a certain hot-assed Vulcan right through the bulkheads of their quarters -- and probably halfway to Engineering -- before picking a fight. But no, that was apparently *too* much to ask of the Universe. Even on Christmas. It would seem he was doomed to another night of sexual frustration. 

 

Which was one night too many. "Ready main phasers," he ordered. 

 

"Main phasers armed and ready, sir." 

 

"Fire at will, Mr. Sulu." 

 

His crew exchanged significant glances. Oh my, Kirk *was* in a snit. Pity that poor Klingon commander, he had to be the dumbest *and* the unluckiest S.O.B. that ever lived. 

 

*********** 

 

TWO DAYS AFTER: 

 

It became obvious that nobody else wanted to argue the Federation's right to be in this particular quadrant. So it was back to the "seek out strange worlds, explore new civilizations" bit. At the moment, that translated to updating their star charts and since neither of the command officers were required to be on the bridge nobody took note of their absence. 

 

It was noted, but scarcely remarked upon, that the pair returned several hours later wearing hickeys and silly, well-fucked grins, though being half Vulcan, Spock's was invisible. They also walked just a wee bit duckishly and had the tendency on sitting down -- which was only when absolutely necessary -- to do so with caution. 

 

*********** 

 

 

SICKBAY: ABOUT SIX WEEKS LATER 

 

"Bones? Is he all right? He said it was probably just a slight touch of the 'flu but ..." Kirk paced anxiously up and down, his emotions alternating between anger at the latest episode of typical Spock stubbornness and fear for the life of his bondmate. McCoy suppressed the urge to tell him to sit down before he wore a hole in the deck. Honestly, Kirk could be *such* a drama queen. Instead he settled for giving his patient another once-over with the Feinberger. It made the same bizarre set of chirps as the first three instruments had. No mistake. He couldn't resist a grin. Trust the Enterprise to make the record books again, not to mention headlines. When the holonet tabloids got hold of *this* ... 

 

"But Vulcans don't get the 'flu, at least not the strain that's been going around lately. However ..." Kirk froze. He really didn't like it when McCoy said however. That always meant something was wrong. He clutched his lover's hand tightly. "Tell me -- tell *us* -- what's wrong." 

 

"Nothing at all that time won't cure." Bones paused, sizing them both up. They were such a hot pair. If only... he killed that thought immediately. He'd have a much better chance of winning a snowball fight with old Nick whenever Hell froze over. Still, a guy could dream. 

 

When it came to these two, his dreams were triple-X rated. 

 

Spock, now that his queasy stomach had settled, arched an eyebrow. Bones drooled. "Doctor, would you please get on with it?" 

 

"All right. Congratulations, you're pregnant." 

 

"He's *what?!*" 

 

"I fail to see the humor ..." McCoy cut him off. "It's no joke. You're approximately five and a half weeks into a healthy pregnancy." He scowled, anticipating the next remark. "And before you start to lecture me on the subject, I'm quite well aware that you're not a woman." 

 

"Then how...?" Jim blushed. It made him look boyishly cute! McCoy's prick twitched. *Down, you sex fiend! He's already taken. They both are. By each other, worse luck.* 

 

"How'd he get a bun in the oven?" Bones chuckled. For intelligent men, these two could be so naive at times. This was one of them. "It had to happen sooner or later -- you *have* been having sex ever since his pon farr." 

 

A pair of green cheeks matched Kirk's red ones. Still a delicate subject then, though he honestly couldn't see why. T'pring, that shameless hussy, had done Spock a big favor by dumping him for the jerk she'd been screwing behind their families' backs. Then again, she'd also done her damndest to make him kill the one he really wanted. If not for a trick or two up McCoy's and T'pau's sleeves -- now *there* was a smart old broad -- she'd have succeeded. Which, come to think of it, was rather humiliating. 

 

"There is no need to be insulting," Spock snarked at him. Not that he minded, besides, this time he really could blame it on hormones. He continued, "It seems that a second set of eyelids aren't the only spare parts that Vulcans come equipped with. Some of them anyway. About ten percent of the population -- male and female -- are born hermaphrodites, becoming fully functional on bonding with a same-gender spouse." 

 

He didn't think it possible, but Jim's jaw dropped even farther. And poor Spock looked ...well, to say totally stunned was an exercise in understatement. Bones felt like wringing somebody's neck; Sarek's or Amanda's, either would do. They really should have told their son *all* the facts of life. 

 

"B-but he doesn't have a ..." Kirk stammered out. "How will the baby be born? *Please, don't let him say the C- word, that's totally barbaric.* 

 

"With males, the differences are all internal, at least until they get pregnant. And he *will* have one of those in a few more days, so you needn't worry about surgery." 

 

Well, thank God for that. But... "Should he be on active duty? What about...?" Bones held up a hand. "He's fit as a fiddle, Jim. Aside from the morning sickness, for which I recommend ginger tea and crackers. As for the *other* matter, if it's what I think you're talking about, here, try this." 

 

He tossed him a small foil tube."Just use it as directed and have a good time." 

 

Kirk read the label. Smirked and showed it to his t'hyla, who remarked. "I assure you, Doctor McCoy, we have no need of personal lubricant." 

 

True, they probably had tons of the stuff stashed in every nook and cranny of their quarters. He knew *he* would. "Not this kind. It contains a mild, safe analgesic. Which you're going to need; it turns out that with Vulcans - the males anyway -- as pregnancy advances sexual desire increases. You'll both be thanking me when he's ten months along and begging for it eight, nine times a day." 

 

"Nine...times...?" That was as far as he got. Even James T. Kirk, Starfleet Superstud, couldn't imagine getting it up nine times a day. *Every* day, until his pregnant male partner gave birth. Hell, he'd wear it out, he was only flesh and blood after all. Bones correctly interpreted his glazed expression. "Look on the bright side, Jim. It does solve your Klingon problem...to a degree." 

 

"How so?" 

 

"Well, their entire society revolves around their prowess as warriors. Which is why they keep on challenging the Enterprise, specifically, her Captain." Spock looked interested, perhaps there was some hope for human logic after all. McCoy preened as if he'd just been paid a huge compliment. He went on."Their home planet is so harsh that only the strongest, fiercest of warriors live long enough to reproduce. And get the pick of the available fertile females." He grinned devilishly. "The next Klingon battle cruiser we meet won't be shooting at us, they'll be coming courting instead." 

 

Oh my, was that -- yes, indeed, the allegedly emotionless Vulcan was glaring his displeasure. "Explain." 

 

"I should think it was rather obvious," the doctor said mildly. "As a warrior potent enough to have achieved the impossible -- as far as the Klingons are concerned - and gotten a *man* with child, our good captain here has just become the ultimate prize in the matrimony game. With yourself a very close second, being as you're the man he's ::ahem:: knocked up." 

 

"He is already married," Spock growled. "To *me*" 

 

"Which as everybody knows, is hardly an obstacle, what with Vulcans and Klingons both accepting polymarital unions." *They're not the only ones, I'd take you both in a heartbeat, if ever it was offered.* 

 

"Yes, well, I wouldn't worry too much, doctor. And as for you..." Jim smiled and kissed his beloved's pout away. "You should know by now that I haven't the slightest inclination to play hide-the-salami with even *one* Klingon, let alone a whole bunch. No matter how persistent they get." 

 

Spock leaned into the tender embrace. Whew! Crisis averted. A jealous Vulcan, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time, was a force to be reckoned with. There might be scarier things in space, but Mrs. McCoy's pride and joy hadn't seen them. He hoped he never would. 

 

"Go on, get out of here," he mock-griped at them. "Go home and screw each other's brains out, it'll do you all the good in the world." 

 

Jim gave a little bark of laughter and Spock's eyes brightened -- the Vulcan equivalent of hilarity. "Maybe it will at that." 

 

And off they went, leaving the bemused McCoy to ponder what Spock had said to him right before the sickbay doors swooshed shut: *"When we wish to take another bondmate, he will be neither Klingon nor Vulcan."* 

 

*********** 

 

At an absolutely ungodly hour in the middle of the night, or what passed for night in the depths of space, a tired old country doctor woke up smiling. Then he started grinning like an idiot because he'd finally figured it out. Damn pair of cock teases, they'd known all along. And they weren't mad with him. If anything, the opposite was true. 

 

"When," the pointy-eared imp had said. Not "if" but when. Which meant they *were* considering marriage with another husband. Probably had been considering it for quite awhile, since the comment had been made so casually. 

 

 

Maybe -- on second thought, there were no "maybes" about it -- he'd win that snowball fight after all.


End file.
